Smell the Fart

Seriously.

This morning as I was nursing Ian and thinking to myself What necklace shall I wear today? (I picked the Scrabble tiles piece), Ian let out a pretty loud toot.

He startled himself, pulled off the breast, looked at me quizzically, then turned his head toward his backside and sniffed. No joke; he smelled his own fart.

And then he looked at me...and smiled.

IanTube

Lots of videos of Ian on my You Tube account! I shoot these with my little Nikon and the quality is pretty good. Sometimes I forget that videos can't be flipped like photos, so some of them are sideways. Oh wells.

On the Verge of Collapse

Ian and I woke up at 8am this Sunday morning (that's late these days!) and nursed like nobody's business. After yesterday's Spring Fling art/craft show, I was away from the little guy for over 10 hours and my boobs were sooooo full o' milks. I pumped 3 times at the show right there are my table and even still I was so super engorged and in lots of pain. I used my manual Medela pump and my awesome new nursing cover and yielded 7 ounces.

Here's the cover. I bought it from Lilacs & Lollipops, a crafter in Salt Lake City, and love it so much!

So anyway, after nursing Ian this morning I got up to feed George (who has been diagnosed with pancreatitis so he gets special moist kitty food) and noticed he'd thrown up AGAIN several times. These pukes are different than the others tho b/c they are less and look just like bile, not food. Plus, one had a giant hairball in it, one had plant matter (one of our house plants) and the other two are itty bitty kitty pukes. Still I called the vet and am waiting to hear back.

After feeding George I walked back into the bedroom to find Ian, happy as can be, about 3 feet away from where I left him, his legs dangling off the side of the bed, smiling real big like he knew he had accomplished a couple roll overs. I can't believe it! First off, Imissed his rolling, which is a new development milestone for him. And secondly, HOLY CRAP he almost fell off the bed. Luckily it's a Scandinavian-style bed so it's low to the ground BUT STILL. Man, I got scared and so thankful he didn't fall!

I'm going to spend the entire day today with him since I missed him all week now that I'm back at work and then the Fling yesterday all day in Fort Worth. So I declare today Ian Day. Celebrate!

Language Acquisition (blah blah blah)

That is what I wanted to study in college my senior year. Yup, once I got through most of my college career, I took a linguistics class and thought: Holy cow! This is what I want to study. But it was too late to start over, so...

Now I'm doing some hands-on field work. Watching and listening to Ian's "talk" change from coo's and gurgles to recognizable consonant sounds is incredible. It won't be long before he says mama. And then soon after that, Mama you're the greatest person in the world. Ha!

Funny Faces

Here are some pics I took on our last day together. When you look at these you can almost hear the sounds he was making...

First Meal

Last night, Jason, my mom and I fed Ian his first solid meal. Being only three months old, I had my reservations. The American Pediatrics people recommend starting no earlier than four months, but Dr. Curry said that as healthy and fast-growing as Ian is he can start at three months. It was soooo cute. He got messy but loved it. He pushed out about half of the food and ate quite a bit for his first time.

Tonight J and I fed him for the second time and he went after the food with such enthusiasm. He loves his rice cereal! Earth's Best organic mixed with my breast milk, naturally...

What a Ride

Back at work - grind grind grind. Lots to do and it took about two seconds for me to get back into the swing of things. I've been at this since July of 2004 so it should come easy.

First things I did were make coffee (crucial), open my new desk calendar and recycle months Jan, Feb and March, turn on my computer and open my email, change my voice mail message, and finally call HUD to ask questions about the most difficult and trying of all grant requests. Darn the government!

Since then I've been slowly going through reports, updating my own version of these reports and plodding through the stack of papers in my inbox. Not too bad, thank the Fates. I pumped at 10:30am and in about seven minutes had eight ounces. Wowza! My mom called around 11am to let me listen to Ian talk and coo. Yup, along came the waterworks. But they were tears of joy, mainly, to hear my boy happy, alert and well-cared for. Jason and I are so lucky!

Today my thoughts keep floating back to the early days with Ian. I'll come across a letter or report dated January 16th, or I'll see a check that came in dated February 10th and I'll think - Man! What was I doing back then? Oh yeah, having the time of my life.

The weather seems to be siding with me today. No sir, the sun won't shine on the day of my return to work away from Ian. It's dark and gray, rainy and stormy. Just like my emotions today. Good thing I'm super busy. Work work work...and more coffee.

Group Hug, Everybody

In the early days of my life with Ian, it was rough. So rough that I clinged to anything comforting and familiar: a hot cup of coffee, my sweet-smelling sheets, the plush pillow behind my head, and The Golden Girls.

You heard me right, The Golden Girls. I grew up watching this show in the 80's and it never occurred to me not to relate to it because it starred four "mature" women. Everything they did and said was funny, and I fell instantly in love with Estelle Getty's character Sophia Petrillo. She was hilarious and endearing.

So those early days of nursing Ian EVERY TWO HOURS proved difficult, and watching the Girls on TV kept me from going insane. Lifetime showed reruns of the show from 7am-9am and then again at night from 11pm-midnight. Guess what: I was up at those hours every day so I never missed an episode.

Then one day, Lifetime cut the episodes and moved them to WE, a channel we don't get. I was crushed. So after a few days missing my Girls, I went online and ordered myself DVDs of all seven seasons. That's right. And I spent the next few weeks watching each DVD, laughing, crying, always having a good time.

Yesterday I finally made it to the last DVD. Watching the series finale was so emotional for me. It was all about life changes, transition and saying good-bye. It was perfect.

Of course, I cried like a, well...like a baby.

About the photo: I snapped that back in February to record what I did during those first few weeks. Notice the captions. In order to be able to watch TV and not disturb Ian, Jason and I got very used to watching shows with captions on and the volume turned way down. Now it feels weird to watch TV without captions!

Heartsick

I can't believe it's almost over. Today is the last Monday of the best period of my life, so far. My maternity leave officially ends this Thursday as I return to work on Friday. I can actually feel my heart breaking.

It's been so wonderful, just a dream. I feel so lucky to have been able to have this time in my son's life. To watch him grow and change before my eyes. To hold him and smell the top of his head at any time of the day because we've been together constantly - inseparable.

Going back to work feels so unnatural. It just doesn't feel right leaving my son with someone else, even if it is my mother, his grandmother - and who better to spend the days with him? I am so lucky to have her to watch him, and to have Jason's family in his life, a family who loves him so, so much. But I can't help but feel that I am the one who should be with him all day, every day. There's this invisible tie, some biological bond, that makes me feel like the only way I can tear myself away from Ian and return to work is to do it kicking and screaming.

I remember the early days when I never thought I could get the hang of all of this. I thought I'd be feeding him formula by week two since I was having so much trouble breastfeeding. I never thought I'd get used to the sleep deprivation, but now I look forward to those 3am feedings. It just means more time with Ian. By the second month I was actually looking forward to returning to work just so I could get a break from him. I could kick myself now for ever feeling that way.

I also never thought Jason and I would get back into a healthy "me & him" relationship, but every day we enjoy each other's company and companionship more and more.

Here're a couple photos I took just now, through a sea of tears. They are of the bedroom where Ian and I spent a lot of the past 3 months together. To the left on the nightstand are the nipple shields I use to allow me to breastfeed him, a jar of peanuts that I snack on constantly during our nursing sessions, my never-empty mug of coffee and the cup of water that Jason is always refilling for me. Then on the bed my laptop, which is almost always on so I can check my email and stay in touch with the world. Or, I watch my Golden Girls episodes on it while Ian nurses on one side, then the other. To the right of that is his changing table, his perch to the outside world as J or I clean his poops and avoid the overspray. Notice his hanging pals on the blinds. They keep him company while we clean and talk and giggle and coo. Either today or tomorrow I'm moving it back into the nursery. I think this will help me accept the separation that he and I are about to experience.



Lots of tears. I don't think I can do this.

The Fists Have It

Ian's new favorite chew toy? His balled up little fist. He tries to jam that sucker in his mouth like it's a fist-eating contest. Experts say this is an early sign of teething. That his gums are itchy as they get ready to cut teeth.

Oh. And the drool. Lots and lots of drool.

Ian and His Pops

Captain Skarky

Short Bus Special

Mr. Giggles

Tongue Tied

The Cute Meister

Changes

So many changes lately! Ian can almost turn himself over, he thinks his fists are just delicious, and he talks, talks, talks. And giggles.

This week I gave him his first bath, just the two of us. I was nervous at first, but in the end it was fun and relaxing. His hair is coming in thicker than ever, and I think it's going to be like Jason's.

We have so much fun together. These days are growing shorter and shorter and it makes me sad. I will never have this time back again. Nine days to go and I'm already waxing nostalgic. Sniff, sniff.