My Stump, My Lovely Little Stump

Check it out! Here are two pics of my abuela throwing my umbilical cord stump into the ocean in Colombia - a place called La Guajira (wa-hee-da), which is the peninsula that juts out into the Caribbean and faces Venezuela. In one picture you see my abuelo cheering her on.


These were taken in August 1975. This is a tradition in my mom's family to ensure a long, healthy life for the baby. Now I'd love it if someone would go on and purchase 2 round trip tickets to, oh say, the Bahamas so Jason and I can throw Ian's stump into the ocean. He's worth the trip!

These Four Walls

Oh this feeding thing is hard. It's never-ending! I just have to remind myself that it's for the benefit of my new favorite person, and that once he's regained his birth weight and then some, it will get a lot easier and less frequent. But until then, I'm stuck feeding every 3 hours, 24 hours a day. I'm not complaining, really (maybe just a little). This is my job and I'm happy to do it.

My, I've spent a lot of time in this bedroom. Both during my pregnancy and now, this room has become my domain. This bed, the TV, the windows and sunlight pouring in. It's a good thing my personality is that of someone who likes to spend time alone. Whenever I feel stressed, I just pick up my little angel and hold him and smell the top of his head. It's a beautiful reminder that this new job of mine is totally worth it. It just takes some adjusting.

He just did the funniest thing: Sometimes when I put him down he's fine for a few minutes. Then, I'll see a freak-out coming on so I scoop him up and give him hugs and kisses. He tends to wring his hands and punch the air when he's agitated. Just now as I was calming him down, he folded his hands together, fingers locked as if doing the game "Here's the church, here's the steeple..." What coordination!

Behind the Name

Ian is the Scottish Gaelic form of "John" and means "favored by God." His saints day (John) is December 27th and he's the patron saint of writers, wool-workers, Turkey, and motorways (huh?). That's pretty interesting since I studied to be a writer and I also work with wool to create unique felted jewelry. I'm also told I look Turkish AND I drive on highways. Eeeeerie...

Some Famous Ians
Ian Anderson, leader of Jethro Tull
Ian Astbury, lead singer for The Cult
Ian Curtis, lead singer for Joy Division
Ian Fleming, writer of James Bond novels
Ian Gillan, leader of Deep Purple
Ian McCulloch, lead singer for Echo & the Bunnymen
Ian McKellen, actor
Ian Wilmut, cloned Dolly the Sheep
Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa, that would be Dweezil

See a pattern here? Our guy is going to be a rock star!

My Mission: Feed, Feed, Feed

Jason and I took Ian to his 10-day visit at the Center and he weighed in at 8lbs 7oz. The weight loss is normal and Cherie was happy with that but would like to see him get up to his birth weight very soon. That, she said, will keep him from crying all night long.

Apparently the little guy is hungry and I haven't been giving him enough. Well, I thought I had since I let him nurse until he either pulls away for good or falls asleep at the nip. But my mistake was feeding him from one breast per feeding. My new regimen is to nurse him 10 minutes on one boob, then burp him and let him finish up on the other one. He needs milk fat from both breasts in order to gain his weight back, and then some. I didn't know that! So now we have some making up to do. In fact, it's time for Ian to get his nom-noms on pretty soon here...it's neverending!

Road Rage Ian

See what happens when you cut Ian off on the highway? Shazam!

Songs for Ian

When He's Crying
"Smoke on the Water" Deep Purple
"You Got It" Roy Orbison

When We're Hanging Out
"This Charming Man" The Smiths
The Golden Girls theme

When We're Exercising
"Let's Get Physical" Olivia Newton-John
"Brick House" The Commodores

New Developments

We are so proud of Ian. In the 9 days that we've had him, he has already grown in leaps and bounds. He no longer cries when we diaper change him, and he's nursing magnificently. He feeds for about the same amount of time (30 minutes) and just about the same space of time in between (3 hours).

His neck muscles are really strengthening, his arms and legs are wiggling about like crazy, and the rest of his body seems to be catching up with his monstrously large hands.

Last night the colic tried to get ahold of him, but I managed to get him to calm down in about 45 minutes and we slept for a couple of hours until I woke us both up for a feeding. It was nice to let Jason sleep the night through and Ian cooperated perfectly. After the 3-4am feeding, he went right back to bed and slept until 7am. To ensure this keeps up, I'm hitting the aisles at Babies R Us to buy a Swaddleme and Colic Massage Pad. Let's hope these help!

Adios Stump!

That smelly little nubbin known as the umbilical cord stump finally dried up and fell off yesterday (Saturday). It was great that it only took 7 days to come off since everything we heard and read said it would take about 10-15 days. The thing was sooooo stinky and it made it hard to get cuddly-cuddly with Ian.


We saved it in a baggie and gave it to my mom who is going to keep it until someone is able to toss it into the ocean. You heard me right. The ocean. Apparently it's a tradition in the Barreto-Cubides family. The superstition goes that tossing the stump into the ocean ensures a lifetime of good health. Mami tells me Lita (my abuela) tossed mine into the sea. Whatever it takes to make sure Ian lives a long healthy life, right?

Separation Anxiety

Wednesday evening was a tearful one. Jason and I made the decision that he would return to work on Thursday and it made us both so, so sad. We had just gone through the most exciting, incredible, beautiful experience of our lives together, and it was coming to an end. They call it the "babymoon" like honeymoon, and when it as over we were left with a lot of sadness.

I knew that he and I would never experience something like this again. I was also so sad that my pregnancy was over. I enjoyed it so much, carrying little Ian inside me, Jason taking care of us both. The the labor and delivery experience followed by the learn-as-we-go days back home with Ian are experiences we will never forget.

Jason was very sad to be separated from us as well, and we spent Wednesday night talking and crying (me, not him), and staring at Ian.

I spent Thursday without him, but my mom was here to help out, spend time with Ian, and basically keep me distracted while Jason was away. We went to lunch at Hunky's then to Tom Thumb for some groceries and Starbuck's coffee. It wore me out but I was happy to get out of the house. The day went by quickly and I was so grateful for her company and help.

Friday was a lot easier. Mami came back again and spent the day cooking and cleaning. I cannot believe what an amount of support she has been. We are so lucky to have her available to help out so much.

Speaking of wonderful grandmas, we are lucky to have Mimi (Pat) be our sitter for Jason's and my first date out together. It will most likely happen in a week or two, but we are really looking forward to Pat having time to bond with Ian and for us both to have some alone time together. We are going to dinner at Tillman's Roadhouse, a nice restaurant here in Oak Cliff. Can't wait!

A Trip Outdoors

On Tuesday morning we went to the Center for a breastfeeding consultation with Beverly. When I called they did not hesitate to tell us to come in anytime for help. There was no appointment, no payment, none of that. Such a wonderful place.

Once there, Beverly got straight to work showing me how to get my nipple back into his mouth so he could suckle. She got me all set up with pillows and water and stayed there for an entire feeding. What a relief to watch him feed for a good half hour! In between the feeding session, Jason changed Ian's diaper and we all got to witness Ian's first "spray." Urine everywhere. It was pretty cute.

After watching Ian feed for awhile, Beverly determined that my nipples were not long enough to reach his soft palate so she suggested a product called a nipple shield. She was so confident it would be the answer to our struggles, and we could not have been more pleased and relieved. We went to Babies R Us straight away and once we got home and opened the packaged we realized we'd gotten a size too big. Crikey! I was devastated.

Enter Grandma Pat (aka Mimi), our savior! She came to our rescue that night and brought over the correct size nipple shield and dinner - delicious roast chicken, fresh bread, and veggies. Sooooo yummy. The nipple shield was an instant hit and Ian's been feeding like a maniac ever since. My nipples are so very ouchie as they acclimate to the reshaping wonder of the shield, but it's a small price to pay to watch my little one get the nourishment he needs. I guess the "Martyr Mom" thing starts early!

Rewind a bit: Jason took Ian for his first Well Baby visit that afternoon while I stayed home and enjoyed a long, quiet nap. Ahhhh. Jason reported that the visit went really well. Dr. Curry was so pleased with Ian's color, reactions, alertness, strength, and um, large thingie-thing. In fact, he was surprised at how endowed our little man is! He did want to see Ian gain more weight and Jason explained how we've been having difficulty feeding him but that we'd gotten some help earlier that day and were hopeful he would begin eating well.

We were right! He began feeding anywhere from 30 minutes to one+ hour at a time with an average of two hours in between feedings. Incredible!

Shame Spiral and Desperation

In the wee hours of Monday night/Tuesday morning Jason and I nearly lost it. Ian had been crying for 3 hours straight and was beginning to go hoarse. We were so worried since he had not eaten in over a day. Sure, he'd gotten a few drops here and there but nothing substantial.

By 3am we were so weary. Sitting together on the bed with a beet-red Ian we looked at each other and I uttered that F word: "Formula?"

Luckily, we were in instant agreement. Until I could get some help with breastfeeding, we were going to do whatever it took to feed our little guy.

(I was also extrememly miserable since my milk had come in several hours earlier and I was so engorged I thought my breasts would explode. Milk was literally leaking out in teaspoonfuls and there was nothing I could do about it since Ian wasn't taking any of it. I even tried to suck up the puddles of milk with a dropper and feeding him that way, but all it did was give him gas!)

So at a desperate 3am Jason headed to 7-11 to get some formula and I head straight to the kitchen to boil bottles and nipples. Once the bottle was prepared, Jason gave it to Ian and instant success! Ian drank and drank and drank, then slipped into a blissful sleep. We were so relieved and all feelings of shame and fear that we did the wrong thing disappeared. Still, we were insistent on getting breastfeeding help, but first: Sleep!

The First Days Home

The first few days back home are a total blur for me. I was on strict bed rest so what I do recall is being pampered like a queen by Jason. He was so attentive and never once hesitated to bring me what I needed or wanted, fixing me food, keeping me hydrated and doing all of the diaper changes.

Breastfeeding was very difficult at first. Ian was so fussy and would not take the nipple. After awhile I became so frustrated and finally broke down crying. Ian wouldn't feed for longer than 5 minutes at a time and we were so worried he wasn't getting what he needed.

Cherie did a home visit on Sunday and showed us some breastfeeding basics that I was doing wrong - mainly the position of the head. That helped a little but still we had trouble. More on this later...

During her visit she was pleased to see that his color was healthy, and that overall he was a perfect little baby! She asked about my recovery, mainly the swelling in my genital and bum-bum area, and determined an examination wasn't necessary. Let me tell you, I never knew I could swell up so much! I won't elaborate too much, but needless to say, I felt a little like the Elephant Man down in my nether region. Luckily I suffered no tears or hemmorhoids, which the Center staff could not believe. I tell you, my body was meant to birth Ian!

Other memories of those early days are visits from family members and lots and lots of food being brought to us. That was SUCH a relief and could not have been a more perfect gift. We have been eating like royalty all week long!

All in all, Ian slept quite a bit those first few days and continues to begin his crying sessions around midnight until about 2am. We're getting used to it!

The Birth Experience

It's been over a week since I went into labor and delivered Ian. I hope my memories are still fresh, and I'll try to get them down in the entry as accurately as possible.

Thursday, January 15
Cherie (the midwife who runs the Center) determined that my cervix was not "ripening" enough and that labor would most likely not start on its own unless we waited and waited, which could put Ian in major danger. J and I go to one of the doc's they are affiliated with for a Newborn Stress Test and sonogram. Ian's heartbeat and amniotic fluid levels pass with flying colors.

Friday morning, January 16
Jason and I head to the Birth Center for my first dose of Cytotec. We asked he other midwife, Carol, to elaborate more on the drug and why they think it's a good idea. Jason had done a lot of internet research and was very on top of things. I was confused and sad that things weren't turning out the way we had dreamed and planned. We all agreed it was the best thing to do so she inserted it (a pill) into my cervix and we slept at the center for a couple hours to let gravity do its job of keeping the pill in me. Cramps begin within a couple hours and J and I go to Denny's for a big breakfast, then home for some naps.

Friday afternoon and evening, January 16
We go back to the Center for the second dose since my cervix still wasn't ready. Another couple hours in bed at the Center and then we head home. That evening progressed as usual. I watched a couple shows I really like (Monk, Psych). By 10pm I'm dozing off and watching a rerun of House when BAM! I'm hit with a bolt of lightning. CONTRACTIONS!! And big ones at that. The first batch was so strong that all I could do was cry out in pain over and over again. I was so confused and couldn't get the word "Jason!" out so I just yelped and cried. He came running in and then it passed. I got up to walk around and then BAM! another one. These were like 30 seconds apart and I was scared. It wasn't supposed to be this way! We were supposed to ease into labor with the early contractions that are minutely easy and spaced far apart. Jason calls Carol and she instructs us to head to the Center immediately.

Friday late night, January 16
It's 10:30pm when we get to the Center, following a horrendous car ride. We arrive and go upstairs so she can examine me: 3cm dilated. She inserts a catheter into my hand for fluids and antibiotics (I had tested positive for Group B Strep and there was a danger it would pass to Ian during delivery so the antibiotics take care of that). I barely let her do it since I'm contracting all the while. I'm crying and begging and J and I labor on the upstairs couch for a good hour while Carol prepares the downstairs birthing room.

Saturday, January 17
At midnight Carol examines me again: 7cm dilated. Oh my! So fast. We hobble downstairs and by now I can hear that my mom, Randy, Sylvia, and Jennifer are in the waiting parlor. We go down the back servant stairs (it's a big old house) and into the birth room where they put me in the Jacuzzi tub for a nice hot soak. My next contraction brought on pushing and I knew I was very close. My waters broke while I was in the tub and it was just a strange feeling. My plug also came out in clumpy blood clots and it was time to get out of that tub!

They sit me on the toilet facing the wall and put a pillow down for my head. This is a good position for women laboring posterior babies since his skull was right up against my back bone. Ouch! This meant even more pain. After that they lead me to the bed post and I betcha it's about 1am by now.

Beverly, the assistant, was amazing. So caring and gave such great advice that I responded real well to her. Carol, the midwife, held down the fort with her expertise and no-nonsense ways.

At the bed post I'm told to squat with Jason behind me on a stool and hang from the post. Once a contraction hits I'm to PUUUUUSH and work this baby down into station. The point is to use gravity and positioning to work him down quicker and get him to crown (where his skull is sticking out and doesn't slide back inward). This was the hardest part of labor I think. The position was weird and I felt I was going to fall backwards even tho Jason was back there for me the entire time. I had a hard time getting my feet flat on the ground the way they wanted but I finally got it down and worked on keeping my pushing sounds gutteral and inward rather than the loud screaming I started off doing (which left my vocal cords sore and swollen for over a day). Every time a contraction passed and I was done pushing, I would use my arms to scale the bed post in a standing position. They said I looked like a monkey and couldn't believe my arm strength.

It worked. He finally crowned and I hobbled onto the bed with the top of his head sticking out of me. So strange! Three sets of contractions and pushing later and he was delievered. I recall them saying, "Here's his head! Now one good push for the shoulders." PUUUUUSH. Here came his shoulders and now one last push for the rest. PUUUUUUUUUSH and they said, "Dad are you going to catch him?" Jason scrambled to catch him and once he did he couldn't put him down. "Dad, put the baby on her belly!" He was all slimy and waxy with vernix and apparently had pooped all over my leg. Did I care? My little miracle was here!

After that it was recovery, a shower, lots of OJ to help replace all that lost blood, some breakfast, a long nap, and paperwork (for paternity stuff since we are unwed). The post partem nurse (Gina) and assistant (Brenda) helped with all sorts of babycare info, advice, and were so nurturing and caring with me. I was never alone for a moment and when Jason was too tired to help with bathroom trips and OJ drinks, they were right there for everything.

Going Home
By 11am we gathered our things, got Ian into the car seat and slowly left the Center. It was glorious outside. Everything was bright and sunny and so clear. I was high from the endorphins and experience, and the ride home was a beautiful experience. I was so happy and Jason was beaming - so proud.

I truly don't remember what we did the moments after arriving at the house. I think we tried to sleep and really I just stared and stared at my new baby. Everything was different.

A Letter to the Loved Ones

sent on 1/19/09 to friends and family

Hello dear friends and family:

Ian Alejandro Hindall-Wright entered this world on Saturday, January 17th at 1:57am. He weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 2oz and measured 21 inches long. I am still so completely stunned that I gave birth.

Labor was IN-TENSE. My body decided to skip the entire "early" labor stage where things sort of progress little by little to the hard stuff. No, I hit the ground running with the super hard contractions around 10:30pm, dilated to 7 inches by midnight, and pushed the big guy out 2 hours later. Overall- 3 1/2 hours of hard labor. I never begged and bargained for mercy more in my life. Crazy animal sounds came out of me and scared my family who stood vigil in the waiting room at the Center. Still, I wouldn't have done it any other way.

Altho it was a completely natural childbirth, I was given a labor inducer the day before called Cytotec. I was already a week and a day late, and the midwives at the Center don't fool around with late term babies. My cervix had not "ripened" at all and they determined that my body just would not go into labor on its own. Had I waited I would have put little Ian at risk and would have most likely ended with a Cesarean. So I took the Cytotec the day before (Friday) and hoped all would go well. By the time labor began, the drug had already worn off and done its job.

We headed home by 11am that morning after some amazing after-care at the Center. Recovery has been great and I credit it all to the absence of drugs and other medical intervention. However, I hemorraged right after birth so I did get some medical treatments post partem to stop the bleeding (pitosin both as IV and injection). It worked after 2 dosages and apparently all the blood scared the begeezus out of Jason and the others who happened to be there when it happened. It was pretty brutal but I was lucky and didn't have to go to the hospital.

The licesned nurse midwives and staff at the Birth Center were completely amazing. Professional, experienced, and so nurturing. It was an incredibly beautiful experience. Would I do it again? Um, ask me later. But if I HAD to do it again, I wouldn't do it any other way!

Being at home with the little guy is just heaven for me and Jason. We are enjoying (almost) every minute and are grateful that Ian is a good sleeper. (Let's see how long that lasts!) He's picking up his nursing skills and starting to eat well. He will go for his first pediatrician Well Baby visit tomorrow morning (Monday) with Pops. I'm on strict bed rest until Tuesday morning at the earliest, then house rest until at least the end of the week.One of the midwives made a home visit today and examined Ian. She said he looked super - healthy and no jaudice at all (which apparently is pretty common right after birth). She gave us some pointers on nursing and told us how proud she was of us.

As for visitations, we are doing them little by little throughout the week. I will be returning calls personally very soon and want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for all the emails, calls and messages. None have gone unnoticed and rest assured that I've cherished each one.

Lots of Love,
Stephanie

P.S. Some of you already got these updates from my cousin, to whom we are so grateful for being our Call Tree Guru. Thanks Jenn!